Finding my replacement…

Ok, again, no comic. My computer is still being used elsewhere and for other things, therefore, no tablet, and therefore, no comic :/

Today I’m going to talk about something a little different. I’m actually moving out of state in about 3 weeks, and I can’t transfer my job because my company does not exist where I’m moving to. So, I’ve already turned in my notice and the position is up online for people to apply to. On top of all of the idiocy we see on a daily basis with customers, we’re apparently getting a LOT of applicants who are…well…not even CLOSE to what they need to be to fill my position.

For starters, the requirements for the job are posted on the page of the listing. According to my boss who is going over the applications, 85-90% of the people who have applied (there have been just over 100 applicants already) DON’T EVEN REMOTELY QUALIFY for the position, and the qualifications aren’t that stringent. Why bother applying for a job that you KNOW you don’t have the qualifications for? Or did you just not read the application and went and filled it out anyways?

Number two. I agree that putting your name out there by going in and asking to speak with the manager is a good idea. But really, if you want the manager to really consider looking at your application, don’t come in:

  • Smelling of pot
  • Smelling of B.O.
  • Looking like you’re just gotten out of bed
  • Looking like you don’t know how to use an iron
  • Incapable of speaking proper English*
  • With an attitude
  • Acting cocky
  • Treating the employees already there like dirt
  • Not knowing ANYTHING about the company

*Ok, quick explanation on this one: No, I don’t mean a foreigner with an accent. I happen to work with two Cubans, an Argentinian, and a Peruvian who all have thick accents. But they still speak English well enough that you can understand them. I’m referring to those who don’t speak enough English to have a normal conversation, and those that CAN speak English but choose to speak in Ebonics.

I could seriously go on, but that’s just to name a few. These are the types of people I’ve seen coming in and asking about the open position. I can tell by the look on my boss’s face that he’s NOT happy with what he’s getting.

Before I have someone go “OMG that’s so harsh the economy’s so bad right now how can you be so mean to everybody they just wanna work blah blah blah…” Whoa. Hold your horses. I’m well aware that the economy completely sucks right now. I see it every day by the extreme lack of business we’ve been getting lately. I’m honestly amazed that they didn’t just completely eliminate my position. I’m also aware that the recent unemployment ratings they are announcing on TV (8.1%) are complete and utter BULLSHIT because more people dropped out of the workforce than the number of jobs created by over 300%. They created 96,000 jobs but over nearly 380,000 just gave up looking for one. If you included all of the people listed under “discouraged workers,”  the actual rate is closer 9.6%. And then there are those who are under employed (like my finace, which is the whole reason we’re moving is because he is doing odd jobs to get by), and if you ad them in, it’s closer to 14.7%.

In case you’re wondering where I got this information, here you go: http://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/empsit.pdf. That’s from the official government unemployment website. I’m not trying to start a political debate here.  I just really wish the government and media would stop feeding us lies and admit that the United States is screwed as a country and no matter what happens, our current issues will take decades to fix, if they’re fixed at all. Before anyone asks, I’m an independent voter, so yes, I look at both sides. I’ve found that one’s a smelly douche nozzle and the other a flaming bag of dog shit.

My whole point is this- if you’re really serious about trying to find a job, try to apply for something you can actually do, or at least look and act the part! I’m not worried about finding a job when I move because I know I can find another one without issue. It might take me a little while, but I’ll get one, because I know what to do to get noticed, I know how to sell myself even though I’m not a great salesperson, and I’m confident enough in my abilities to do whatever job I’m applying for. No boss wants to deal with a deadbeat employee. And neither does anyone who’s going to be working with you.

Which doing this also reminds me- Where I’m going to be when I move, I’ll have internet, so I’ll still try to update as often as I can, but chances are I WILL be busy trying to find another job. Wish me luck 😛

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