What do you mean I can’t return a fake?!

Yes, the new comic is delayed yet again. My fiance has stolen my computer for work purposes since his took a shit dive on the concrete, so I haven’t really had time to finish the comic I’m working on. HOPEFULLY sometime this week it’ll be up…anyways…

The severe stupidity of people just absolutely astounds me. So this past Thursday, there was a family with a cute little girl who was in the store looking at phones. The little girl was behaving very well and was looking intensely at the phones. My area manager decided to give her a dummy phone out of the back that we were no longer using (he’s nice like that). She gets the phone and is playing with it, all is well. The family decided they don’t want anything that day and leaves. The little girl takes the phone with her. No big deal.

So, today, the father comes back into the store. I’m standing there with the supervisor who’s running the store, and he goes up to one of my coworkers. When we ask what we can help him with, he holds out a phones and says “This piece of shit you sold me ain’t workin’ and I want another one or my money back!” My coworker takes the phone in his hand, and politely says, “um, sir? there’s no way I can do either of those.” The customer says and why the hell not?” My coworker, barely keeping a straight face, looks at him and says “because the phone’s not an actual phone.”The customer stands there for a minute and starts to try to argue with him when my coworker says, “No, really, it’s plastic. Plus, it’s a model we haven’t sold in nearly a year.” The customer starts yelling about seeing a manager when the floor supervisor (an Argentinian girl who’s only 4’11”) goes over, takes the phone, hands it back to him and says, “You know, not only are you a complete idiot, you just tried to steal from our company. If you don’t want to leave in handcuffs, you’ll get the fuck out of my store. Right. Now.” The guy turned pale and ran out the door.

I’ve seen instances before where people have ripped fake display models and try to return them. The saddest part? They usually don’t even notice they aren’t real, and this being a perfect example. That, or he was hoping we were too stupid not to notice. It’s like when people get their phones wet, water is caught under the screen and pouring out of the back of the phone, yet they have “no idea what happened” and “there’s no way they got it wet”…I mean, how the heck can you not tell the difference between a solid piece of plastic with a piece of paper in it and a functioning phone? Typically, when they realize it’s not real, they either come back in and try to make it look like they never took it or they just throw it out in the parking lot. Part number two that amazes me is why the hell people would think that we would have live phones sitting on display being held in by just a string? We actually DO have live phone displays, and they’re covered in cords and alarms. It’s pretty freaking obvious.

So what are some ridiculously stupid things have you seen customers attempt to return?

Don’t forget, I take requests 🙂 Be sure to submit a request if you have one in the comments section below, or via my Facebook page! Requests are free, after all 😀



6 thoughts on “What do you mean I can’t return a fake?!

  1. Requests 🙂

    A woman came up to the registers, fuming about something.
    Me: Can I help you?
    Woman: Yes! You can tell me where you’re hiding the stairs to the second floor!
    Me: Um, we’re a single story building.
    Woman: I’ve been shopping at this location for 13 years! Are you calling me a liar?!
    Me: Well this store has only been open for about 6 years so…
    Woman: How dare you! You tell me where the stairs are this instant!
    Me: Tell you what ma’am… if you find the stairs, come back and tell me so we’ll both know.

    (She ultimately left, ranting employees being liars and the whole store being in on a conspiracy.)

    One-shots (you can group them for fun 🙂 )

    Woman on cell phone: But I can’t testify! I don’t have testiculars!
    Customer 1: Excuse me, I need to make a deposit in the Bank of Latrine.
    Customer 2: Make sure all deposits are in the porcelain bowl!
    Black lady at registers: You’re discriminating against me because I’m white!
    Cashier: … *gives her a look* ….Yes ma’am. I am….
    Customer: Don’t put ice in my drink! I’m allergic to ice!
    Cashier: Riiiight…

    • Hah, those are awesome 😀 I’ll get on those as soon as I have some free time. I’m working on one right now that’s been put off for multiple reasons, but expect at least one of your requests done within the next couple of weeks 🙂

      • hehe cool take your time. I’m not in a rush to see them. I just thought you’d love to have some for when you feel like you’ve run out of ideas. 🙂

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